


I Saw a Billion Dragons

by DragonWrites



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Dragons, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Angus is Everyone's Kid, Crack, F/F, Fluff, Gen, I'm not kidding, Literally everyone and everything is a dragon, Love Confessions, M/M, Marriage Proposal, TAZ Dragon Week, THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED, This is just pure nonsense, listen, the dragon zone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-29
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-12-26 06:47:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18277979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonWrites/pseuds/DragonWrites
Summary: "Okay, boys, listen very carefully," said Lucretia.  "There were…seven of us.  And we were all dragons..."They were just seven dragons who were also superheroes, in a college campus coffee house, trying to survive the end of the world.  And they weresoulmates.





	I Saw a Billion Dragons

"Okay, boys, listen very carefully," said Lucretia.  "There were…seven of us.  And we were all dragons.  We were an elite team of dragons sent to explore the realities beyond our own, on this impossible ship that was also a big dragon.  But something went wrong.  We were…pursued by a destructive force that was just a bunch of dragons glued together, like…billions and billions of dragons.  And it sought the Light that we carried, which was just a very small, very bright dragon.  We created the relics—which took the form, naturally, of dragons—in the hopes of hiding the Light that they contained…"

Merle took a long gulp of his coffee, in the back room of the coffeeshop where this was taking place.  "Oh my gods…" he said. 

Beside him, Magnus sat down hard on a chair.  "Wait, so we're ALL dragons?"

"Pretty much," said Barry, in a gravelly, resigned voice.

"This explains so much!  Like why I felt so close to Julia, but in a sad way, because she was a dragon."  He thumbed the wedding ring around one finger.

"Lucretia!" said Davenport, suddenly.  "What have you done?!  You made me forget I was a dragon!  And everything else!"  Smoke began to curl up around his mustache.

Lucretia blushed in chagrin.  "I'm sorry, Professor Dragonport," she said, addressing him--for the first time in a decade--by his full title, since this coffeehouse was also on a college campus and they were all students, except for her, who'd been a TA when she'd dropped the course itinerary into Fisher's tank so many semesters ago.

"Sirs," said Angus, into the awkward silence that followed, "I'm a dragon, too!  I didn't want to say anything, because I was scared.  But since you're all dragons too, it's okay, right?  We can be dragons together!"

"I can teach you the ropes, kid," said Barry, who—like the entire rest of the IPRE—was Angus's parent.  "But, uh, first we gotta save the world."

"Right on!" said Avi, who was also in the room in this AU.  "I'm also a dragon!"

"Me too," said Killian.  "Normally we dragons don't take the form of orcs, but I decided to switch it up."  She flexed one beefy green arm.

"I was also a dragon before I died," said No-3113, "but y'all already knew that."

"We're dragons, too!" said the two random BOB guards in the room.  "And we love each other!"  They held hands.

Taako rubbed the bridge of his nose, clinging to the dragon-shaped umbrella in his hands.  "Look," he said, "I get it!  We're all dragons, okay?  Everything's a dragon, apparently!  Is there anyone in here who _isn't_ a dragon?!"

"Uh," said Carey, raising one scaley hand.

"Well, we know _you're_ not a dragon," said Magnus.  "You're a dragonborn, right?"

"Actually…"  She reached up, and very carefully removed her mask, revealing a very short human woman.  "I'm just a human.  Carey Fangbattle is my fursona."

"Wait, whaaaa?"  Magnus's jaw dropped.  "But why would you…we've known each other for so long!"

"Yyyyeah, sorry about that, bud."  Carey winced.  "This was, uh, honestly a prank that got kinda out of hand, but…ya know, it never seemed like the right time to come clean."  She blushed.

"It's okay, sweetie," said Killian, setting one arm around her.  "I love you even if you don't actually have scales!"

Kravitz burst into the room, breathless, as if he'd just run across half of campus.  "Taako!" he cried.

"Krav!"  Taako ran to embrace his boyfriend, who was studying for his mortuary sciences degree.  "I thought the Hunger-Dragon got you!"

"I escaped somehow," said Kravitz.  "I wanted to come and tell you, before it was too late--Taako, I'm a dragon!  Also, I have superpowers!  I can teleport anywhere, and mimic any accent perfectly, and also turn into a big skeleton dragon.  And I love you."  He got down on one knee.  "Will you marry me?"

Taako grinned, tears shining in his eyes.  "Of course, babe!"  He pulled up his sleeve, showing the words _My name's Kravitz_ inscribed like a tattoo, in fancy script the color of Kravitz's eyes.  "I've always known it was you, babe.  We're soulmates!"

Kravitz was also crying tears of joy.  He rolled up his sleeve, showing the words _What's your name, thug?_   It was written in the color of Taako's eyes.

And then they kissed.

Merle scratched his beard.  "Wait…so _he's_ the superhero that we've been chasing?  The Reaper?"

"That would explain a lot," said Lucretia. 

The room fell silent.  Taako and Kravitz continued to kiss.  Overhead, the Hunger-Dragon pounded on the dome of the coffeehouse beneath a black sky. 

"Well," said Barry.  "This is awkward.  Maybe we should, uh, all get some rest and figure this out in the morning?"

One by one, everyone looked awkwardly at the middle of the room.  There were fourteen dragons, plus the Light who had been gathered into the Bulwark Dragon and was once again at full strength. 

But there was only one bed.

**Author's Note:**

> So this idea popped into my head when the TFW Discord were discussing TAZ Dragon Week and all the possible AUs that could be combined with dragons. And here it is--the crackiest crack fic I have ever written, where I attempt to squeeze as many AUs and TAZ fic tropes as possible into one perfect trope storm. You're welcome.


End file.
